Enemy Eyes

My eyes are my enemy for they are the reason that when I close my eyes, my heart burns with an immortal passion and longing for you because I see you in the darkness of my mind. I remember and see into your soul. Love sustains me. Constantly and forever. Simultaneously giving life, inspiration and pain. Love makes me both live and die. You and I are intertwined like roots. Our souls are not two, yet one, and so therefore without you I live on yet am incomplete. Constantly longing to be whole again, I close my eyes so that I can see you again for it is the only way we can be together. In deep sorrow, I believe our love can endure anything, even death, and yet when I open my eyes – you are nowhere to be found and tears stream from the enemy as I realize I was mistaken. Overwhelmed by hopelessness, I close my eyes once more with the faintest spark of hope yearning to reignite with the possibility of being reunited with you in my dreams.

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Love Yourself

What is love? Love comes in many forms, with many faces. Some argue once it meets you, it is everlasting while others view it as a visitor who can choose to stay a lifetime or one who comes and goes through time. Some, unfortunately so, do not even believe love exists. Whatever it is that you believe, love comes from within.

You must learn to love yourself. Care for yourself, be kind to yourself before you can love another in a healthy way. What you see in the world is a reflection of what you are and what you see in yourself. If you see love in the world, it is because you yourself are manifesting love. Love exists in everything if only you choose to see the love that exists everywhere.

Love is not just a feeling, it is energy, it is God (whatever you believe to be God, if you do), it is a higher power, it is you and it is me. It is everything we create and everything that ever was. It can not be created or destroyed. An infinite amount of love exists and it is only transferred. Practice self love and self care before you look to love outside of yourself as a way to ease your pain for if it does it will only be temporary. Only loving yourself will have the lasting effects of a lifetime and beyond. Love can cross the boundaries of time, space and even death if you believe.

Loving yourself does and can take work and practice and it is a mindset you may have to consistently remind yourself of depending on your current mindset but the more you find love within yourself the more you will see it in the world and the more it will surround you. Your life becomes your thoughts so make them good! Make them something you want to surround yourself with. Love yourself.

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The Gift of Beautiful Words

What’s The Most Beautiful Thing Anyone’s Ever Said To You? Why?

For every person this question will spark up different memories, questions, maybe even a blank mind and panic. To answer this question, first you have to define what beauty means to you. Not what it means to the world, or what you think it should mean, or what you wished it would mean but what it really does mean to you, right now, at this very moment. Or, you could go about answering this question by not overthinking it and just going with whatever comes to mind first, something impactful.

For me, the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me was said to me in high school by someone offering me emotional support over something that I had been holding in my whole life. I don’t remember the exact words that were used to get this point across I just remember the feeling it gave me and the immense, life changing impact it has had on me since.

When you harbor a secret, it (can) becomes a bigger deal than it is in actuality, the feeling and weight of this secret boil inside and overtime more pressure builds and it becomes overwhelming, overbearing. The secret can grow inside of you, within the depths of your persona.

Let it breathe, the way wounds need air to heal, secrets need to be exposed, shared, otherwise the burden becomes too great to carry and hold on your own for a lifetime. Don’t share in Atlas’s fate for an eternity. “The truth shall set you free.”

I am not saying that you need you share all of your secrets with everyone, all the time, blindly without considering consequences. Some secrets are worth keeping and out of them you derive pleasure, comfort or simply convenience but some secrets are so great and powerful that they need to be shared. Sometimes, your story is one that needs to be heard for healing and acceptance to begin.

Sharing a secret can be as simple as saying it aloud to yourself and accepting it within yourself, or giving it to the world by means of writing it on a piece of paper and burning it or sharing the secret with a hotline, counselor, doctor, a close friend, a parent, a teacher, a stranger, a pet or even an imaginary friend. However, letting a secret fester inside of you whilst trying to ignore it puts all of your attention and energy into that secret and it overtakes and that is not healthy when you become consumed by the secrets you are keeping and trying to hide from the world. When you’ve kept something in for so long and it comes out, at first it can be shocking but you’ll notice once you begin to let the secret out, over time it becomes a part of life (and people react as so) as opposed to this big, scary, life altering thing that lives inside of you.

Why?

Learning to share my secrets, the secrets I viewed as the darkest parts of who I am and what I have been through has been healing. It has helped me heal over the years because the less of a big deal that I make something by sharing it, the less of a big deal the world makes about it, even if it is a big deal it becomes a symbol of strength instead of scrutiny. Sharing has helped me breathe, walk and now I am climbing mountains without the extra weight of my secrets that once weighted me to paralysis and debilitation. I finally feel free which is fitting since my given name is Freedom.

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The Comfort of Pain

If You Do Something That Hurts, Why Do You Do It?

Pain reminds me that I am alive. Sometimes, when I use pain as a weapon against myself, I am punishing myself for existing. That is where my comfort zone lives…in pain, depression, anxiety. It’s a world, a territory that I am familiar with. It is a world that has proven extremely difficult to leave for it has overtaken me and paralyzed me with fear.

At first, they invaded my home and I tried to fight them off but then I got tired of failing, of fighting and I got used to them. I got used to the pain, the comfort of the friends it brought me, I moved and they followed me and I didn’t even question it, in fact, I grew to feel comfort in their company and fear life without them by my side, in my mind, constantly surrounding my presence.

I moved again thinking a new start would set me free, I suppose you could say I tried running away from the demons that I felt possessed me, but again they showed up making themselves at home, sleeping with me night after night, bathing alongside me, keeping me company the days I spent curled up in bed unable to move, and dining with me. They became shadows that followed my every move.

It wasn’t until I realized that they were inside of me, inside of my mind that I understood anywhere I went they would follow and I could not escape them by running away. I would have to battle them mentally by rebuilding the blueprint of my thoughts, taking risks, overcoming fear, and learning to love myself.

This is a battle I undertake every day, every second of every day and some days I win. However, a lot of days I lose the battle but I am determined to ultimately win the war I just know it will take a while because things take time. First, I have to undertake the challenge of separating my true self from them, forming an identity that I can grow to love.

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House of Words

Imagine That You Can Build A House Out Of Words That Can Protect You From The Rain. What Words Do You Use?

No words can protect me from the rain. No words can ensure the structure of my home, or of myself. No words can ensure that they will stay standing and endure any storm nature brings. No words.

Thoughts on the other hand, thoughts – while they can’t prevent the rain from falling they can alter my perception of each raindrop and the significance that they carry down to earth. Words have power. They have immense power. They may not have the power to build you a house, or protect you from the rain in life but they can change the world, they can change your world and mine.

Originally, my house had no windows or door, just a house, an outline, and a mere 3 droplets of rain. A house can represent the ego, the self, and the safety we all seek while rain represents the outside forces in the world that both destroy and nourish.

I avoid the outside by locking myself inside with no way to see that which has the potential to hurt or to help me. I blind myself out of comfort for loneliness is the worst best friend that I have ever had. I stay out of fear. Fear of the rain.

What words would you use to build a house that could protect you from the rain?

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The Deadliest Infectious Disease

There is a type of infectious disease that is lethal. It kills the soul. It is anger. Anger leads to hate and destruction. It is a plague that sweeps through our planets cities, towns and villages, travels by flight, land and sea to infect all those that are willing to let anger enter them and penetrate their walls. This infectious disease is slow in that it kills the soul slowly but fast in how it spreads. It is an invisible threat to humanity, devouring the humanity in each soul it inhabits. It emerged in men, ungrateful, jealous, who let the beast in them run wild and infect others with their toxic tongues and bitter minds. Unlike HIV/AIDS, there is a cure for this disease and that is love and the vaccine is patience. Ground zero for the epidemic of hate lies within the heart of each person. The factor that anger can be instilled in anyone is a reminder that when it comes to this infectious disease, of anger, no place is safe but the sanctuary of one’s own willpower, choices and one’s mind. One must first have awareness of their feelings if they are to battle them and not let them overtake.

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Song of the Siren

After an eternity of planting roots, the song of the siren abruptly penetrates the delicate essence that seeks questions and yearns for answers. Howling melodically, she sings, calling upon the waves to devour souls in her honor. From the hidden depths of sea, she rises freely. Bound to the water by shackles of destiny, she is held captive. As a prisoner trapped within the well of humanities emotions, she drowns eternally.

Water gives birth to air and together they dance with the moon. Vampires of the sea acting as vessels not of light, or of water but of passage and treachery, these mer-folk, blooming from the ocean, capture the souls of those they enchant. Lassoing souls through song, the unconscious desires of all those within sounds distance are lured into the unknown. They are cradled, nurtured and fawned upon before being devoured.

The mystical illusion these mermaids posses lures those lead by the senses to their deaths. Only those who escape their perceived reality by traveling inward and flying above the somatic experience are gifted with the power of choice.

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